I started wearing the hijab when I was 14, in my first year of middle school.
The day I wore the hijab, I was very hesitant and scared, but my family, especially my dad, were supportive. I felt like I would look strange and that the hijab would prevent me from doing anything I wanted. That day, I was out with my family and I wasn't sure if I had tied the headscarf correctly? What did I even look like?
What made wearing it a bit easier then was that it was winter.
I went out that first day and kept looking at every mirror we passed, asking myself, "Is this really me?" I felt like I had suddenly grown up, and that many things had changed and would continue to change.
The next day I went to school and wasn't sure how people would react, because I knew no one expected this from me.
And indeed, my feeling was right. People were very surprised. Some congratulated me, and some told me I looked better without it.
There were many different opinions, but the negative ones especially affected me a lot.
After that, I started to feel like I wanted to take it off and that something was wrong, and I thought, "Why did I wear it? I could have worn it in college, not now." And from there, the idea of taking off the hijab grew very strong in my mind.
But there was something inside me telling me I wouldn't be able to take that step. My clothes suited my age, I looked good, but I couldn't see any of that. With time, I started to love it very much, and feel that it was a part of me. And that without it, something was wrong. And honestly, I grew to really love how I looked in it, and surprisingly, I started to love how I looked with it more than with my hair showing. I prayed to God for steadfastness many times, and thank God, He answered. The fact that I am like this and at this point now is something I thank God for.
The step is difficult, and we spend a lot of time thinking about it and asking ourselves, "Will I look bad? Will I lose my identity? etc..." The hijab never makes anyone lose anything. When I wear the hijab, I am still Maryam, I still have my same thoughts and boundaries. And now, I think that the world is much easier for us as veiled women than at any other time, and this is something that encourages any woman to take the step with conviction.
I know I've talked a bit long, but this is truly what was in my heart and what I wanted to convey. Don't let anything scare you or prevent you from it.
Is there anything more beautiful than being close to God?
